cidney.

 this makes me smile

o hey

all these changes around me, but yet one thing always stays constant. him. how could i be so lucky.

a wild bird that should never be let free

i found my old live journal today… period frame 2003-2006.

Its filled with how much i loved my boyfriend at the time (who now despises me), how much i hated my parents, how depressed i was and the activities i did with my three best friends.

one who btw told my family i was a crack whore.

two who got upset with me when i hated her abusive boyfriend she had in college and decieded to delete me from my life- (ironic how today though she is dating my highschool/middleschool sweetheart)

and three- well. It makes me cry if i even just think about the things she has done to me lately.

Its almost comical to see how fucked up i was, am, was, will be?

My biggest fear in life is that id go crazy. End up in the hospital for good. Thank god for tyler to keep me sane and grounded.

this video brings back memories of being 17 and in love with the idea of love.

its crazy to see how much my life has changed… for the better<3

tonight i looked backed at many pictures- some even dating back to 5 years ago. I dont know why i do this to myself- put my emotions in a place where i know im vulnerable . I hate seeing happy ones though the most- ones of me hugging my “best” friends. I wish i would of never been so sensitive to people being assholes, i wish i was a quiet person and could keep my thoughts to myself.

Sad fact is, no one ever remembers the good things you said when you were honest.

The truth hurts, but atleast it cuts clean… i use to always say that.

fact is though, this cut is deep and infected and each time i cry the salt only makes the wound burn more.

 I wish i never said you are hurting my feelings since you are ditching me and lying to me. I wish i never went out that one night knowing that i would run into two “friends” who were trying not to involve me. I wish i could of just ignored the cattyness and said its just girls being girls.

I wish i could lie to myself, lie to others. Be someone completley else.

Maybe then id have some bitches to bitch to. Some one to help me find a new pair of cute shoes. Someone to drink a glass of wine and watch a chick flick with…

I have chosen instead to fill my life with men who either throw me a beer, a flask of whiskey or a packed fat ass bowl.

Its hard to get over things when the only person i can talk to is myself.

oh. and the tumblr nation.

"its easier to have enimies then friends"

down and on to the next one.

i guess the qualities that i bring to a friendship are not needed. Who needs honesty loyality and love in this world anyway…

……apparently alot of people.

things i wish i could say to your face.

girl 1- stop sending me emails and texts, stop asking my friends how i am. stop trying. you now know you fucked up again. you now know that i was honest and never tried to hurt you. you know now that being a bitch isnt cool. good for you, now leave me alone. my life is not suffering with you not in it.

girl 2- dont have your friends send me emails bitching me out over things they have no idea about. grow the fuck up. stop acting like your better then everyone. we will never be close again, so please dont bother inviting me over. dont invite my boyfriend over. you are the biggest fake i know. ive heard you insult almost everyone one of your friends. im not stupid enough to think you didnt say shit about me when you called one of your “bffs” a slut and cant even trust your own man alone with her.  you are in the wrong here, so stop trying to make up for it because you feel guilty and dont want to look bad.

girl 3- its funny how people change and forget about those whove been there for them. have you ever wondered why the only people that hang out with you now are people that have known you less than a year? ive seen the things you said about me, the things youve done, the gossip you try to spread. Stop trying to get closey close with my friends. They’re not idiots. why would someone want to be friends with a bitch who does those things to her own best friend. your boyfriend deserves better then you. i miss our friendship and what it was. i can never forgive you.

—————————————-

i hate girls. i hate drama. and for some reason it always follows me.

my biggest fault is that im stubbern, i dont forget, i rarely forgive.

hurt me once shame on you. hurt me twice shame on me.

skip2it:

Alkaline Trio: Radio

I learned how to play this tonight on my acoustic. Proud.

 this is one of the first songs i ever learned! lets jam it out sometime brother!